Sunday, April 3, 2011

Flap Off: Catherine Hardwicke

Flap Off: Catherine Hardwicke

Here's how it works:
  • I flap my gums about a stupid question and you: 
    • a.) Weigh in
    • b.) Tell me to F*** off
    • c.) Ignore me completely
    • d.) All of the above
"Question: What the fuck is Catherine Hardwicke doing having her writers voice appear in the beautifully designed Red Riding Hood book?"

Warning:  I curse a lot in this post.  Just letting you know.

Remember this tidbit from my previous post in Book Retail Therapy (6)?

I also got a copy of Red Riding Hood, which the first ten pages really pulled me in. :)  The only thing that pissed me off off was seeing Caterine Hardwicke's name on the cover.  Remember her?  The crappy director who ruined what could have been a great movie adaptation of Twilight?  Yeah, that crappy director.  What the fuck is Catherine Hardwicke doing having her writers voice appear in in the beautifully designed Red Riding Hood book? 

She's the director of the film adaptation

Fuck my life.  

Forgive me, but I am in desperate need of a vent session now.  
Now that you are all caught up, I will continue with my rant.

I can't stand that woman.  If anyone cars to under why, its simple really.

Number One Reason Why Catherine Hardwicke is Fail

She ruined Twilight!  The first book is the best in the series and she just ruined it.  (The series should have ended with the first book, but that's a different rant for anther day).  The first book was meant to be an Epic of Awesomeness when it was turned into a movie, but no.  It sucked harder then a new born on its' mother's teat.  Bad acting consistently from the two main roles by Kristine and Rob, way too many close up face shots of Kristen and Rob which made their horrifically done pale make up look all that move shitty, and the powers of Alice and Edward were not done to their full potential on screen.  Who's fault is that, oh right:  Catherine Hardwicke.  Thanks, Cat for all of the zit filled angst up close in person!  (dripping with sarcasm).

Reason Number Two Why Catherine Hardwicke is Fail

My other reason for my thorough dislike of her is that Catherine Hardwicke over does her own screen time.  Directors are meant to be behind the camera right?  With the well placed exception of Clint Eastwood, this is true for me.

Have you guys seen all the behind the scenes shit for the first Twilight movie?  She's on the commentary, she's on the introductions to the deleted scenes - which don't need introductions in the first place since they were deleted for a reason, and she's on the introductions to the music video's - WHY do music video's need explanation, I ask you?!  She even wrote a book about all of the behind the scenes action on the set of Twilight filled with pictures and cute little bubbles with her witty side comments, which only she finds creative.

I'm sorry not really Caterine Hardwicke, but your a fucking annoying present everywhere I turn.  Now I have to endure seeing your name grace the cover of Blakley-Cartwright/Johnson's book?  Their name isn't even on the cover!  Just yours is!  Their name is only found on the fucking side of the book!

Do you see the author's name anywhere?  Neither do I.

I can't believe I didn't even notice this until after I bought the book.  I almost had my boyfriend turn around and bring me back to the store when we were already seven miles gone, but by then I was already pulled in by the first ten pages.

I will say this, the film trailer for Red Riding Hood looks pretty damn awesome.  I'm not all that happy about the leading actress, Amanda Seyfried.  She's not a good actress.  At least it appears she takes this as a serious role in her unimpressive career.  I don't know what it is.  There is just something about her that I don't like as an actress.

Alright, I'm done now.  What do you guys think?  Was this a total waste of your time?  Did it make you laugh?  Should I fuck off?  Let me know!  :)



  1. Awesome Post!! I think Red Riding Hood looks a little too much like Twilight I am waiting for that main character to take her in the woods and be like what I am.. say it say it. lol!! And what the hell with the cover? I did not know that. That is such bull shit! This girl I know on goodreads from the UK got that book a while ago and it came without the ending. The ending wasn't going to be released until after the movie came out. I never checked on it but thats what she told me. Crazy

    Great Post!!

  2. Apples,
    Your friend in the UK is right. The final chapter is downloadable from this: site. It was only available after the movie's release date. >.<

    What's complete bullshit is that the WRITER ALLOWED her book to be taken over Cather Harddick (no, friends, that is not a typo).

    Seriously, I'm starting to think that she's got a real issue for trying to leave her mark in the world. Freak.


  3. That is such bull shit. People should of boycott that book for being unfinished. There is no reason at all to do that. And why would an author want this women to take over. Has she not seen Twilight? And look what it got her, her own name was taken off the cover of her book!!!

  4. Apples,

    The author must be serious door mat, or Catherine Hardwicke managed to Wiesel her way through some fat wallets. Maybe both?

    I don't know either way, but it depresses me how much this has been tampered with by Hardwicke.


  5. Hey Kelsa,

    Ha! I never thought of my flap off posts as memes, just as me rambling about what nots. It was cool to see the 'talk to the hand' button pop up on my reader.

    Anyhoo... on to CH. I'll be the first to admit that I was not a fan of the first movie, but I just wanted to offer something to consider, I don't blame the craptasticness of the film on CH. Remember, she was given a little bitty budget. I mean the whole crew had to improvise and cut down a lot because they had scraps to work with and unfortunately, it shows. CH did the best with what she was given, but yeah, you are right about those close up shots. Yikes!

    I believe CH is better with her contemporary films than with the supernatural stuff. Lords of Dogtownn and Thirteen are amazing films.

    I didn't know about her being apart of the book deal for Red Riding Hood, but hey, that is an industry thing more than anything. Industry types are going to push for whatever they think will "sell" more, and if that includes slapping CH's name on a book then so be it.

    I understand your frustrations though. Thanks for voicing them. You have given me some things to think about.

  6. LOL I'm glad that seeing your button was amusing for you, but yeah, I know the film had a small budget, but that leaves another question unanswered.

    It was for Twilight. One of the biggest and most talked about to debut film projects since Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Bigger in fact, some may argue.

    Why the fuck did it have a small ass budget?! That makes no sense at all.

    I'm certain that CH is great at her contemporary stuff like you mentioned. Lord's of Dogtown is beast. I will get her that credit, granted I didn't realize she was the director until you mentioned that. But come on! Small budget aside, that film still could have had so much potential regardless. What kind of director lets the leading female get high between EVERY take and not say anything? Getting stoned is not part of any productive creative process. That may have worked for Lords of Dogtown, but this is a teen pop-culture trend she's going for. VERY different directing styles must be taken.

    Thank you for you input Missie! I like your diplomatic perspective on this. This debate is so much fun for me right now. :D


  7. Sadly, the potential for how big Twilight movies were going to be wasn't fully realized when the movie rights were sold. Summit, the film production company that bought the rights, was a fairly new company, and so they provided the budget.

    I remember reading some comparison chart that said more money had been spent on student films at universities than what Twilight got. It wasn't fair.

    Also, I wasn't really happy with some of the stuff the screen writer, Melissa Rosenberg, did. I think she really dropped the ball on a few key elements of the story, but again, she was also forced to work with a small budget, so she had to consider than when writing the film.

  8. You know I know squat about Twilight (that's going to change because I will spoil you- October will be a "spooky" themed Twilight month. Pray for my soul! XD), so I can't really weigh in here about how she ruined the first movie.

    However, not releasing the last chapter to your book because it'll spoil the movie is utter crap. One, that's awfully big headed of her to assume her book is going to go straight to movie. It doesn't always work that way. Two, IT'S LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. The story has been spoiled for YEARS.

  9. Missie,
    I remember being surprised that out of all the companies to get a hold of the movie rights that Summit got it. Guess that explains why now. I'm calmer now about the issue. If that was the case it really does explain why Twilight was just such a flop production-wise. But I still dislike CH. That probably won't change until she really redeems herself.

    I agree with the screen writing completely, but again, to me that could have been rectified by the CH. Director has the final say on everything. She could have told Melissa Rosenberg to stick more clearly and to the original story. I completely forgot this, but wasn't Stephine Meyer IN the film and part of the movie production? Sigh.

    Yay! For October! *dances* :D

    From what I'm understanding in CH's introduction to the book, the movie writes were sold before the book was published? Or something like that? :/ I'm not sure, but its weird. And now I have a book that will never be finished ON MY SHELF. Sindy, you know me. This pisses me off SO much. ><


  10. Kelsa-

    Thanks for letting me know not to waste my money on Little Red Riding Hood, the book or the movie. I don't care how good either are. If I buy a book, I expect a complete book. I hate buying movie or t.v. versions of books. I want the real book the author wrote.

    As far as the first Twilight- it was an epic fail when they cast Kristin Stewart as Bella. She has played the same character in every movie I've ever seen. She has no range at all. Not a big Pattinson fan, but he's better than she is. And the parts they chose to change from the book were the wrong ones. So so wrong. Turned me off from all the others.

    Now I've heard that the "Twilight people" might have a hand in the Hunger games or the City of Bones movies. What about that? "Twilight People" was not identified so I don't know if it was CH or not.


  11. Heather,

    I'm glad this post decided it for you. If nothing else at least it was fun to laugh at, once the irritation wore off, that is. lol

    I REALLY hope CH is NOT involved with either movie franchises. I will be incredibly sad if that's the case.



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